Here is where I am gonna post my fanfic that I meantioned earlier. Its titled "Absolute Power" which I derived from the saying "Absolute power corrupts absolutely"

Its not ALL of chapter 1 part 1, but its enough to maybe catch your interest and have you want more. This might become a daily thing that I post untill its done, so keep an eye out.

Note: This is just a draft, I still have some revising and editing to do.
Also, the ------ means its a new paragraph
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------Planet Thantos was a paradise. A large beautiful city that reached the sky, full of life and excitement. Travelers from all over the galaxy came to see the marvelous city in person and awe at its beauty. It was perfect. The planet was overlooked by Canis, the knight of the Celestial element of stars, who lived high above in his Rainbow Palace, guarding all the people who lived there.
------Canis also had a grandson who lived with him. Sirius, named after the closest star in the sky. Sirius was an active boy who spent all of his time on Thantos, messing around with his close friend Altair, also named after the stars. They had been friends for years. Both were Celestial descendants, direct relatives of the first people to inhabit Thantos who died off years ago. Only five remain. This story of greed, deceit and lust for power starts with them and their horrific discovery.

------Sirius layed in a grassy field in the park, flipping out cards from his deck and set up a game of Solitare. He studied the layout of the cards and squinted his blue eyes in focuss. Sirius loved to show off his card playing skills. He mastered every card game, card trick and card based activity known to man. His speed and focus was a real sight to see, even on a simple game like solitare. Passers by always looked amazed at Sirius as he sped through his games, never making a single mistake. He paused and cleared a patch of his long black hair out of his eyes and quickly returned to his game.
------Hello Altair, he spoke, not even taking his eyes off the layout.
------Standing a short distance behind the yellow dressed teen stood a tall, purple haired boy in black. How did you know I was here? Altair asked, taking a seat in the grass beside his friend. Altair and Sirius would seem like polar opposites to anyone who didn't know them, but the two were more alike than people could realize.
Sirius scooped up his cards into his hands, finished with his game and tucked them into his pocket. Altair, you try to sneak up on me every day. I know the exact moments that you try now. He stood up and stretched out his arms and legs.
------Yo, Sirius, got any plans tonight? Altair asked, laying down in the grass.
------Sirius sat back down next to Altair and briefly nodded. Yeah, actually. I have a date with Artemis.

------Altair couldn't help but bust out laughing. Artemis? The redhead Artemis? The same Artemis that I'm thinking of? He laughed even louder, so much he was grabbing his sides.
------Sirius rolled his eyes and playfully punched Altair in the arm, hard, but not enough to actually hurt him. Shut up, dude, you know I've had a crush on Artemis since 3rd grade. Besides, shes pretty good looking too. Sirius was in 10th grade now, and he had been friends with Artemis for years, almost as long as he had been with Altair. I cant break the data now anyway, it took forever to get up the courage to ask her. I'm actually surprised that she said yes!

------Sirius, who else is gonna date her? As uncanny as it is, she is a social outcast, just like us.. All the Celestial descendants seem to be. Altair pointed out, optimistically. He enjoyed the fact that he was different from the other kids they went to school with. My brother Regulus has always been cast out for his heritage, same with that new kid, Orion.

------Yeah, Regulus doesn't even show his face anymore. Everytime I see him, hes wearing a mask of some sort, no matter how stupid he looks. Sirius chuckled and shook his head slowly from side to side. Hey, what about the new girl, Gemini? Why don't you ask her out and double with me? Gemini was Orion's siter, but wasn't really a Celestial descendant, contrary to her name. She was only related to Orion by adoption. Just meet us tonight at the redhawk cafe at 9. We're gonna eat there and then go hang out at the Green Garden Park Sirius stood up and gave Altair a thumbs up. Good luck!

(Am I allowed to post in this thread...?)

It's okay so far. Nothing much has happened except for the introduction of the characters, but the idea of Sirius as a cardshark amused me.

A recommendation with regards to formatting: You may be better off doing double-spacing for the paragraphs and then using the "------" to denote scene changes. That's only my personal preference, though, so no need to listen to me. Just keep writing - we need new stuff in Bomberman fandom liekwhoah. o_o

_________________


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If I don't wield the bomb, I can't protect you. If I keep wielding the bomb, I can't embrace you.

It's interesting. I'd like to see where it goes. There really isn't enough here for me to give lot of feedback on, but I'll read whatever else you put up.

Also a reply to your comment, don't feel like you have to post something everyday. You might end up rushing it and the quality will drop. Take your time and do the best you can with it. I'll have my eye on this thread. Good luck!

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In Paragraph 3, the first focus was spelled "focuss"... T-T;

Uaaah! ....I'm grammatically insane.  

And hyperred. @_@ ...But I must be patient before we get to the somewhat overly-dramatic parts... because I must...  

Likein' it so far though. Redhawk cafe... o-o;;; Did anyone else notice that?

_________________
The heavens cry out my name!
The omnipotence; malevolent being of destruction!
Lend me your power!

This is still only a little bit of it, for the same reasons as before. This hasta last me a while if I dont wanna get bored of it.

The Redhawk cafe was refference to Altair's gang's symbol in the game  

This next park mostly revolves around what happened BEFORE the date scene and what happend to Altair at the end of the date scene (Sirius's date and the discovery of the Omni cube comes next. I really want people to look forward to that, it will include the first action scene)


Also note that this is indeed partly a romance story, so theres alot of "meant-to-be" romantic scenes in it. Theres alot of lovey dovey scenes between Sirius and Artemis as well as Altair and Gemini throughout the entire story.
___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
The sun was setting and Sirius looked himself over in the mirror. He was wearing a white tux with a sparkling gold tie that stood out from everything else. He reached onto the dresser and grabbed two cufflinks from a golden box. The cufflinks were silver with a gold eagle on both, each with a spade on the eagles chest. Sirius had an ongoing nickname on Thantos, Ace. A name that he actually enjoyed sometimes. He looked at the clock; 8:30, time to get going.
------He ran down the Rainbow Palace stairways and pushed open two giant metal doors that led to the outside. The palace was miles above the planey, but Sirius didn't need to worry. His grandfather's genes as an Elemental knight let him easily soar through the sky with ease. He leaped down from the ledge and glided down into the town below. He pointed out Artemis's house and swirved down towards it, coming to a halt by the door. He took a deep breathe and knocked loudly on the door.
------Artemis was different from most girls. She didn't talk much and was a slight pyromaniac. Sirius was always the only one to laugh at her dumb jokes and they got along really well, but the thought of dating her made Sirius unusually jumpy. The door creeked open slowly and Artemis stood before him, in an orange dress, hair tied back, smiling at him with her bright yellow eyes.
------Sirius gazed in awe at her. He never saw her look so beautiful in his life. Si, Artemis. He stumbled over his words. Are you ready to go> Altair and his date are probably waiting. Artemis looked confused at him. Eh, didn't I tell you? I invited Altair to double with us tonight.

------Really? I kinda wanted it to be just us, Sirius. She looked down and sighed. Its alright, maybe next time though. She lifted her head up and looked happy again. She grabbed Sirius's hand and ran down the stairs and down the street, excited.
------They eventually stopped running half way to the café. Artemis panted for the rest of the walk and held tightly to Sirius'S arm. Sirius spotted Altair, along with a short black haired girl waiting on the bench outside. Hell its about time! Altair yelled to his friend down the street. What took ya? He ran down the street to meet with Sirius and he pounded his right fist against Sirius's; that was a common replacement for shaking hands on modern Thantos.
------I left home a little late, I didn't expect it to take so long to walk down here. Sirius could have flown there faster than he could walk. He didn't even have an excuse for why he didn't just fly!.
------Artemis released Sirius's arm and walked to the door of the establishment where the black haired girl waited. Come on, the night is young!

------The evening came and went quickly. Dinner ended in only one hour and the four teens soon after, arrived at the Green Garden National Park. The park was a wide grassland area, surrounded by a large lake. A river cut through the west side of the park and a strange stone temple rested across the field.
------Altair and Gemini, the black haired girl from earlier, sat along the shore of the river, chatting. Altair, why did you ask me here tonight? Gemini asked, leaning her head on Altair's shoulder. She released a long sigh and rubbed her cheek against him. Altair blushed and looked away from his date, embarrassed by her action. Hm? She added to the end of her earlier question.
------Well, my night was free, I guess. And perhaps I wanted to show the new girl a good time, Altair answered, leaning to the side to flash Gemini a reassuring smile. Before being caught in an embarrassed flush again. After just one night, Gemini had grown on Altair a lot; He was really beginning to like her. We should really do this again sometime, Gem, this was pretty fun for me. he stared out at the lake and sighed happily. Altair, the usually quiet, troubled looking boy, was happy.

Very good! This is coming along quite nicely.
Haha, Sirius is embarrassed for once.  
All in all, I think this is pretty good as a starting chapter.
Keep up the good work!

_________________
We tread these paths of light so long
I'm right beside you just like thousand times before
I'm knocked as I can be, I face a tragedy
That feeling, deceiving, that burning your soul
My king goes on, my will be done
So join me fallen one
We'll drown our sorrow to this endless sea
Together we'll unchain the rain
Escape the world into our sanctuary
There in my arms you'll be free

Mispelled planet as "planey" in the 1st paragraph. ... I have to stop this habit...  

OAHHH!!!! Gemini and Altair... UGHHH!!! They're tooooooo cute in my opinion. You overdid it and for some reason I'm gonna cry.   (I wish I had a relation like that.. xD)

_________________
The heavens cry out my name!
The omnipotence; malevolent being of destruction!
Lend me your power!

I kinda feel its necessary to tell the ages of the characters, to avoid some confusion. They are only implied in the story.

Sirius=16
Altair=16
Artemis=15
Orion=13
Regulus=20
Gemini=17

And the story skips at one point to the events of Bomberman 64 (Im gonna novalize the game with ALOT more detail than the game actually showed)

The ages for those events are

Sirius=34
Altair=34
Artemis=33
Orion=31
Regulus=38
Gemini=Deceased
Bomberman=17

You would have thought Regulus was a bit younger than THIRTY-EIGHT in Bomberman 64.
Otherwise by TSA he would have been oooooold.
OLD AS THE HILLS LOL*shot*
Why is everybody in their thirties? o_o
Surely it's not that far along?

_________________
We tread these paths of light so long
I'm right beside you just like thousand times before
I'm knocked as I can be, I face a tragedy
That feeling, deceiving, that burning your soul
My king goes on, my will be done
So join me fallen one
We'll drown our sorrow to this endless sea
Together we'll unchain the rain
Escape the world into our sanctuary
There in my arms you'll be free

looking good for the most part dood. Your character interaction is pretty decent.

One technical error I'd like to mention,

"His grandfather’s genes as an Elemental knight let him easily soar through the sky with ease"

You would either want to use "easily" or "with ease" one or the other. Using both doesn't make sense.

It's like saying, "Let's go in the house inside" or "I cooked the dinner I cooked."


And as for the time frame comment. I don't think The 2nd attack took place much later. I seem to remember the instruction book saying it was only a few months later, but if I'm wrong a year or two later at the most.
The time his story takes place in is his call so he can make the skip to the future as long as he wants really. I think the 30s is a believable age for the characters in Bomberman 64. Any older then that though would be pushing it. I'd say 20s or 30s is how old they could've been in Bomberman 64.

_________________

All right. That sounds reasonable, I guess.
It just bothers me for some reason.....
o_o

_________________
We tread these paths of light so long
I'm right beside you just like thousand times before
I'm knocked as I can be, I face a tragedy
That feeling, deceiving, that burning your soul
My king goes on, my will be done
So join me fallen one
We'll drown our sorrow to this endless sea
Together we'll unchain the rain
Escape the world into our sanctuary
There in my arms you'll be free

*cough*

*has the Elemental Knights technically in their nineties and above as a result of weird stuff going on with their powers and such that stops them from aging physically when they're Called*

*cough*

*don't ask for an explanation, it's a whole load of absurd TL;DR that she came up with when she was still young and stupid in Bomberman fandom*

I would definitely place Sirius and the gang (minus Regulus) at about 30's, though, and mid-twenties at the youngest. I placed Bomberman at about 17 for the events of BM64 as well, funnily enough (or not).

With regards to conveying the ages of the characters within the story, it should be apparent as a result of 1) simply mentioning it within the prose, which I think you did with Sirius at least, and 2) actual characterization of the characters through dialogue and actions. You seem to be doing okay on point 2 so far, but I'd like to see Orion and Regulus as well.

_________________


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Bombermanga | Bomber Base | B-Daman Now, Dog!

If I don't wield the bomb, I can't protect you. If I keep wielding the bomb, I can't embrace you.

The ever-ashamed-of-his-face Regulus and the techno-maniac (and according to the Manual: "Harsh individual.") Orion will come!!

>o< Afterall, they are in the cast of main characters. Not putting them in would be like Bomberman without the bombs... xD

_________________
The heavens cry out my name!
The omnipotence; malevolent being of destruction!
Lend me your power!

Regulus plays a MUCH bigger role later on, trust me.

Orion is there, but he doesnt have that big of a role YET!

I had a small problem with the Bomberman 64 event idea. I decided to make it revolve around Altair's gang and Sirius instead of around what BOmberman does. This was because Altair, Sirius and all them hafta go through the Greed Garden, Red mountain and all those places during the prequel events to BM64. I would get really bored having to write those areas twice X_X.

And I think I meantioned that Regulus didnt actually BECOME the knight of shadow untill after BM64 (in my story atleast, how else would he not have those powers in that game?)

Double post, but big deal.

This part tells Sirius's part of the date, the appearance of the Omni-Cube, The story behind how it was created and the appearance of "Zakheudol Ijavukahn" (name not meantioned) The assult of the space pirates and HALF of the escape.

Keep in mind that this is still only Chap 1 part 1, and in my drafts im only on chapter 2 and its about 60 pages long already.

Orion appears in the next section that I'll post, as well as an actuall appearance of Canis.

Every time I post some of this, its only a page and a half of my drafts, so keep that in mind. (Although I never cut the posts in the middle of paragraphs or sentances etc.)

To really know what the Ijavukahn Soldiers look like, they become Altair's soldiers later on and appear in the game, so just imagine them, only taller.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

------Meanwhile, Sirius and Artemis took a walk around the path that circled the park. They didn’t talk much. Artemis was usually short of words and Sirius was still feeling shy about everything going on. Sirius slipped his hands into his pockets and looked up at the sky above them. “Artemis,?Ehe said softly, “did you not want Altair to be here tonight??EHe asked, trying not to take his eyes off the sky.
------Artemis stopped walking, promptly halting Sirius as well. “It doesn’t bother me, it was fun tonight, but yes, I would rather have been alone.?EShe looked down and kicked a lone pebble on the ground. “I planned out a quiet evening for just us, but we haven’t been alone all night.?EThe red haired girl stopped off the path and sat down in the grass, patting the spot next to her for Sirius to sit on.
------Sirius didn’t move for a few seconds and gathered up his thoughts. “Well, we’re alone now, aren’t we??EHe smiled and took a seat next to her. “We don’t need to be alone. As long as I’m with you, I’m happy.?EArtemis squealed very quietly at his words and leaned over, resting her head on his chest. Artemis was an unusually romance loving person, and a comment like that meant a lot to her.
------“Thank you, Sirius. I’m happy that I’m here with you tonight.”
------Sirius grabbed Artemis’s hand and started to walk her back to where Altair and Gemini were waiting for them. All Sirius could think about was how weird he was feeling. He had an ache in his chest and throat, a cold chill in his spine. It was distracting, but pleasant, he liked it. Sirius’s happiness also felt unusual, just like it was with Altair. Sirius hadn’t truly been happy in many years, and he was well aware of it, but never talked about it.

------Aside from all this, Thantos also had a strange and troubling secret. Long ago, when the Angel of Light and Shadow created the universe itself, it was separated into 2 beings. One was Mihael, the goddess, and Sthertoth, Demon of the dark. To keep balance, Mihael created a powerful artifact to seal Sthertoth away forever, but it was stolen by a higher force and hidden on Thantos, the safest place for it. Its been millions of years since that, but a group of space pirates uncovered the story of this and set out to free the demon.
------Ironically, the Pirate’s shuttle was orbiting right outside Thantos’s atmosphere, preparing their dastardly plot. “Hahaha! Our goal is finally within grasp! The cube is down there!?ELaughed a shrouded figure in his throne, watching the planet from the window of his ship. “troops, go down there, find the cube and bring it to me!?EHe growled and pointed to the doorway. A group of ten soldiers saluted the figure and marched single file out the ship’s door. The figure chuckled evilly to himself and swirled a half full wine glass in his claw like hand. “soon, you will regain your power, brother. Nothing stands in our way!?EHe began to laugh, loudly and menacingly as his evil ambitions began to come to reality.

------The group of soldiers materialized on Thantos. They stood beside the Green Garden Temple, ready to begin their search. “sir!?EOne of them called out, grabbing the attention of another, who was dressed differently from the others. “what is it??Ehe responded. The first soldier pointed over to the field across the river where two teenagers approached two others. “Police guards perhaps??EThe first asked. The second studied the strangers and shook his head. “Doubtful, but they could be looking for the cube as well. Keep a close eye on them.”
------Sirius and Artemis stopped walked when they reached Altair and Gemini. “So, we all ready to go??ESirius asked and boastfully pulled Artemis closer to him. Altair chucked at the sight and put his arm over Gemini’s shoulder and around the back of her neck. “Ready when you are, my good man,?EAltair responded, grinning to his friend.
------Gemini stopped them. “Wait, Altair, I found something earlier that I wanted to give to you!?EShe reached into her pocket. “I forgot all about it until just now.?EShe retracted her hand and opened her palm to reveal a small cube to him, that grew larger in size on its own. “I found this in a hole on our way here. Its awesome and shrinks to fit anywhere. Cool huh??EShe stared at the object in her hands for a moment and noticed a galaxy-like formation inside it, as if an entire world existed in the small cube.
------Sirius grabbed the cube gently before Altair could. “Let me see this for a sec.?EThe cube was if anything, amazing and beautiful to look at. “Where was this??EHe asked, but was suddenly startled by a mysterious flash of light, striking a hole next to his feet, burning a hole in the soil. “What was that!?”
------The four teens immediately looked over at the temple where the light came from. Ten short men charged out from the temple grounds and charged at them. “Halt! Hand over the cube at once!?ESirius thought fast and slipped the cube to Altair from behind his back. His plan was to fool the soldiers into chasing him while the others escaped.
------“RUN!?ESirius yelled and sprinted to the river, instead of the exit. Artemis and Gemini watched in confusion, but Altair grabbed the girl’s hands and ran for the exit, instead of following Sirius.
------“The one in white! He has the cube! Get him!?ESirius heard those words and knew his plan had succeeded. He glided upward and landed on a tall pillar, watching his friends escape the strangers. “OPEN FIRE!?EThe commanding Soldier ordered, prompting his subordinates to aim their weapons at Sirius and fire a barrage of blue plasma at him. Sirius back flipped off the pillar and ran to an alligator head statue on the wall. He punched the nose and the mouth of the statue open. He ran in as fast as his body would allow and he slammed the door shit behind him.

Ooh, action scenes! :3
This is quite well written.
Well done!  
You spelled Mihaele wrong....
Yes, I'm a nitpicker. >_>
 

_________________
We tread these paths of light so long
I'm right beside you just like thousand times before
I'm knocked as I can be, I face a tragedy
That feeling, deceiving, that burning your soul
My king goes on, my will be done
So join me fallen one
We'll drown our sorrow to this endless sea
Together we'll unchain the rain
Escape the world into our sanctuary
There in my arms you'll be free

No updates today ^^;; I left my notebook at my grandma's house (There might be one later on tonight though)

For that reason, I am gonna tell a few things that occure after the story that I dont wanna meantion in it (Pondering a sequal)

1) The Angel revives the Elemental Knights at the end of BM64TSA. This includes Canis!
2) My idea was for the angel to also revive those related to Elemental Knights: Altair is Regulus's bro in my story, Sirius is related to Canis and Gemini (since she was adopted by Orion's parents) was actually the sister of Ashtarth.
3) (this idea was stolen from Star Wars) Altair and Sirius are revived in their teenage forms, because it was how they looked when they "died" (IE: the day they fell to the corruption that power brings)
4) Sadly for Orion fans, He is not gonna come back if I write a sequal V_V He is in his fiery grave... I dont wanna spoil anything, so I'll keep the details small. Orion is the only permanent character death! (Zakheudol's "death" scene in the story is implied to be staged anyway. But thats all im gonna say on that subject)